Newbie w/RAI fears

[Deedah]

I had my whole thyroid, part of my parathyroid, and six lymph nodes removed on Oct 11th. - I had papillary carcinoma. I'm now awaiting appropriate TSH, T3, T4, (and whatever else) levels so as to go ahead with RAI. While in the hospital I was also found to have colonized MRSA in my nose. I'm feeling more run down/tired as the days go by... not to speak of the pit of depression I'm in. Can someone offer any encouraging information? As if having cancer isn't scary enough, I can't get through a day w/o hearing some terrifying news regarding MRSA.

[NastyHashi]

You are obviously going through a tough time. On the positive side, you will get through this and will come out stronger and with a fresh new outlook on life to make every additional day seem extraordinary. You will be strong. You will look back on this time and know that other things in your life are not nearly that difficult in comparison.

Trust me, when I went through my rough patch 3 or 4 years ago, nothing seemed bleaker. I was house bound with agoraphobia from multiple daily panic attacks. I still have stored on my computer a note I wrote to my then 1 year old son telling him about my life with suggestions for him as he grows older just in case I died from my problems. I really didn't think I was going to make it.

I did.

I got to work after getting well and everything was different. I have a new outlook on life, family, my own well being, my work. Everything has changed. I am never going back to that place again.

I have since become fairly well off financially. I started a company that has found success. In my opinion, all due to this new outlook that I would never have had if I didn't go through that rough patch.

My thought was like this....What the hell is the big deal about working for myself for 12 hours a day when 6 months ago I thought I was going to die? It was that attitude that allowed me to succeede with the new business and I still carry that attitude with me every day.

I became happy, overall. I regained my health miraculously. Everything started falling into place. I NEEDED for that event to happen as it brought so many better things into my life and put everything into perspective. I "get it" now and I never did before. You will too and life will be absolutely wonderful. Trust me. You'll be ok.

I may suggest getting a copy of the book or reading "The Secret" if you have not already done so. - just google it. It may help. I do not necessarily subscribe to these brain manipulation type of writings but this one in particular can offer you a sense of well being if you take interest in it. For me, it summarized my process. I sort of subscribed to that theory before the book came out and it was like someone picked my brain when they wrote it.

[Deedah]

I hope you're right... don't know how long I can continue in this physical, and mental state of being. I just took a shower, hoping to feel "awake"... nothing seems to help me. I'm going right back to bed. It feels like I'll never be able to get back to work. I couldn't possibly have the "up" attitude my job requires. Who wants to go for a beer after work with a bar tender that's an emotional drag. I'm beginning to think there's no hope for me. I haven't even had RAI yet. I still have to face those side effects. Just the thought of being quaranteened has me feeling "contaminated". Add that to the colonized MRSA and I feel like no one will ever want to come near me again. Am I boring you yet? I'm sure no one really wants to hear about my crap. I hate being in this slump!!!

FYI... I''m going to try reading "The Secret"... hope it helps. Thanks for listening. Your letter is encouraging, I'm curious... what type of company/business are you in?

Wish me luck, as a result of your response to my situation.... I'm going to try to keep my head in a good place.

[NastyHashi]

Well to start, I actually own these boards. Around the time of my problems I started them after getting booted by another popular site for speaking my mind. Purely volunteer stuff though. No money comes in from these boards - maybe 10 bucks a month in ad revenue but it costs me a lot more than that to maintain it.

I have some Internet skills and at the time I was agoraphobic and could not leave the house so I started a few e-commerce companies - it was my only choice cause I couldnt leave the house to get a real job. I worked hard and grew the businesses and now have an office, employees and a fairly extensive product line. I drive to my office each day which is something I was not doing before. Its nice to be fairly normal again. You will be soon too.

Just keep your head up. There's a lot out there to do and once you get through this you will be wiser and healthier. I'm telling you I would have never guessed I would be where I am now 4 years ago. No way. If someone told me I would have thought they were nuts.

RAI is very common. Like anything else in life, breakdown the problems into its components so it seems more manageable. Instead of worrying about all the problems at once, kick each one at a time. You got through the surgery which is HUGE. One problem down. Next deal with RAI - its not going to be as bad as you think it is. Your thyroid is already gone so you are not going to have to worry about going hyper or anything like that. Then you deal with the MRSA. Its just a bug. A bad bug but still a bug and we have stuff that can kill it. Eventually it will be gone from your system, you will have no thyroid to worry about getting cancer again and things will heal. The body can take an aweful lot of punishment.

[Deedah]

Good for you!!! You should be very proud of yourself. If I could accomplish anything these days, it would feel miraculous. Your story is very encouraging, and it offers more than a glimpse of hope for those of us going through this terrible ordeal. (I hope others are reading, and gaining energy from our correspondance.)

You're right about breaking down each problem to make it more manageable. It does seem easier to deal with in separate parts. However, saying and doing are sometimes miles apart. The simple act of keeping my head up takes all my energy, but I'm going to try. I want so much to get through this, and I hate feeling so.... I don't know,... but it's not good.

Before I go any further, I want to state clearly that I don't feel any form of self pity. Rather I feel confused by this whole thyroid crapola. I feel like a piano fell on my life, and I can't seem to free myself from under it.

Thanks so much for your kind words, and uplifting spirit.